Todays Lady

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 a.m.

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal... some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

The Difference Between Small Breasts and Large Breasts

Women with big breasts…

• ..can get a taxi on the worst days
• ..have a neat place to carry spare change
• ..have always been the centre of the arts
• ..make jogging a spectator sport
• ..can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
• ..usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
• ..always float better
• ..know where to look first for lost earrings
• ..rarely lack for a slow dance partner
• ..have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner

Women with small breasts…

• ..don’t cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
• ..always look younger
• ..find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
• ..can always see their toes and shoes
• ..can sleep on their stomachs
• ..have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
• ..know that people can read the entire message on their t-shirts
• ..can come late to a theatre and not disrupt an entire aisle
• ..can take aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out.

Understanding a Woman

We need
REALLY MEANS
I want


You want
REALLY MEANS
You need


It's your decision
REALLY MEANS
The correct decision should be obvious by now.


We need to talk
REALLY MEANS
I need to complain


Do what you want
REALLY MEANS
You'll pay for this later.


You're ... so manly
REALLY MEANS
You need a shave and you sweat a lot.


Sure... go ahead
REALLY MEANS
I don't want you to.


I'm not upset
REALLY MEANS
Of course I'm upset, you moron!


You're certainly attentive tonight.
REALLY MEANS
Is sex all you ever think about?


I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
REALLY MEANS
I'm on my period.


Be romantic, turn out the lights.
REALLY MEANS
I'm Embarrassed


This kitchen is so inconvenient
REALLY MEANS
I want a new house.


You have to learn to communicate.
REALLY MEANS
Just agree with me.


Yes
REALLY MEANS
No


No
REALLY MEANS
No


Maybe
REALLY MEANS
No


I heard a noise
REALLY MEANS
I noticed you were almost asleep.


Do you love me?
REALLY MEANS
I'm going to ask for something expensive.


How much do you love me?
REALLY MEANS
I did something you're not going to like.


I'll be ready in a minute.
REALLY MEANS
Be patient I'll be a while.


Am I a little fat?
REALLY MEANS
Tell me I'm beautiful.


I'm sorry.
REALLY MEANS
You'll be sorry.



Do you like this recipe?
REALLY MEANS
It's easy to fix, so get used to it.


Was that the baby?
REALLY MEANS
Why don't you wake up and deal with the baby.


I'm not yelling!
REALLY MEANS
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.


All we're going to buy is a soap dish
REALLY MEANS
Major shopping trip. Did you bring your checkbook?